Fasting & Getting to Know You phase

I'm trying to fast. I've always wanted to do a 'real' fast but never quite got up enough motivation to last me for the entire length of time. I've done one day fasts, but by day 2, I've given in and the demands of daily life take over and my body cries out for nutrition...no, to be quite honest, it's my mind screaming for the taste buds to get cracking, and my tummy bemoaning the lack of fullness...really. And my frontal lobe gives in with the reasoning that it's really about the lifestyle, the mindset, the motivations behind the task and not the task itself.

Well...so this time I'm going for a liquid fast...which has turned into a semi-solid, liquid fast. Because practically, I need to clean out the fridge...my eating habits are often driven by what's going bad first in the fridge and therefore, needs to be eaten first. But since I wanted to do a 'real' serious fast, my terms are:

• Primary liquids...this means juices, broths, water, taken throughout the day.
  
• Solids...once a day (a meal) consisting of semi-solids...like chunky soup. Also, anything else that I might have in the fridge, or any perishables lying around the house. I will not buy anymore solid perishables until the fast is over...nor will I open/use any edibles that are in cans or plastic packaging, or anything that is not in the fridge, that will still be edible after the fast. This works cause most of what is in the fridge are fruits and veges, and half a styrofoam boat (mat? container? what do you call it?) of deli chicken meat (no nitrats mind you).

The why: I don't know exactly why now but can tell you there's tons of stuff in my life that needs reckonin' which need not be divulged here. The only reason why I am doing it now is, because I feel it is time. I was unhappily sick, borderline sick, so you don't really take off work, but you don't really know what you're doing either...my head was in the clouds and it was raining up there. Finally, last week the storm came, the sickness (flu+cold+headaches, etc.) decided to come through and get itself over with. On the weekend, I was grumpy. On Monday, grumpy. On Monday night, stumbled on this website which awakened my wandering soul once more to the things beyond my ever-narrowing child-like imagination and to become indignant to the evils and injustice in the world and cry out to God, no! I must act! And from there on, I started setting time aside, despite my still-clumsy time management skills, to worship, praise, pray and read the Bible...and journal *slash* blog. And it's been amazing...not blow your mind amazing, but blow my mind amazing. I still was physically ill. On Friday I was throwing up (did I mention in an earlier entry that a child at work threw up on me the day before?) and couldn't walk without getting dizzy. I was happily ill though, weird. I ate nothing, the smell made me sick. For weeks I was miserable, grumpy at being almost but not quite ill, and now that I was "fully ill," I was pretty accepting of it. Perhaps it also had to do with the fact that I can't lie well and needed an excuse to take time off work to really REST and couldn't since I technically could still talk and walk and thus, treat and write reports and make phone calls. On Saturday, I went to see my chiropractor/biocranial specialist (good thing I didn't cancel!). I felt a world of difference after the visit, he said felt blocked energy being released when he did my right side. I just felt better. It was unusual, given that I take at least two days to get back on my feet again...not completely well, but well enough to walk and only get a little dizzy. I ventured to eat some plain rice congee. I had a great time with God on Saturday. On Sunday, I went to church, still felt unsure of my physical state...but hey, I found I could drive (sounds dangerous somehow...), and ventured to eat rice cakes and rice congee flavored with soy sauce, and chicken broth for dinner. I met with the Mu's at church and Anandit prayed for me...it was awesome. I needed someone else to pray for me. On Monday, today, I stayed home and had another awesome time with God. How cool is quiet time? Very, apparently, when you want to be there, when you want to do it.

But let's back track (I am verbose)...Friday night. I felt like I should fast. Despite my weakened state, I felt that God is calling me to fast...or that my desire to be intimate with Him requires a fast. Require...more like it was a natural step to take. It felt right. I still feel like I don't know God all the way, I know Him enough to know He's there and wants to know me. But I haven't taken the time to really get to know Him. I feel like I'm getting to know Him again, and also for the first time. I feel joy without guilt to get to know Him. I sin, I fail, yet I don't have these issues hanging over my head as a sinner when I pray, when I seek to know His word. I just concentrate on the fact that He loves me, and He finds delight in me. He likes me :) Yes, it's a female thing.

So here I am, on official day 1 (I didn't count the days before since I really was eating less because I was sick) of the fast. It's only 3.30pm and I'm already tempted...I'm cleaning up the house as well...and man, I did not know I had so many food-related articles, recipes and pictures...it's everywhere! But I must say, this blogging does help reduce the cravings. With His help, I'll do this whole week fasting!

Everything is happening so wonderfully and quickly. Seems like a lot happened (realizations) in so little time. And sigh...tomorrow is my birthday. Quarter of a decade old :P Talk about timing...and yet, why not be fasting on my birthday...isn't it the commemoration of the day the Lord formed my being? And I'll finish off the celebration in a weeks' time with food too 'cause there's also a time to rejoice...with food and drink, much food and drink :)