Prayed about it

I prayed about it today. About going back to Malaysia. About doing it.

Intermission

One that's been for too long. I probably have been out of church of at least 5 months now, it seems for much longer. In some ways, it was good, in others, not. I find myself inching closer to God personally, apart from any rule and principle that says this is how to know Him. I also find myself straying away from what is holy, what is pure without the boundaries of a holy community, the church. I find myself, for the first time in a significant period of time, without purpose. Yes, there's the ephemeral 'do good' but for the most part, it's 'what the heck is my life supposed to be?' That darn question that keeps coming back again and again--what is my life purpose, what is God's will for me? Of course, I can tell you, it's too love the Lord and keep to His commands, and all will follow after that. That bit about things falling into place is the vague part. I see it and I don't. Am I reading into things, am I not? People say that when it's God, you will know. Well, shouldn't I???

I've been looking for a purpose to go about daily, a goal to work towards. It was always a PhD, and now I'm not so sure. I want to bring shalom, whatever that means...I guess that's my quest--to find out what shalom is and to experience it and to share it with others. I've been looking up PhD programs, found one (just one!) that I thought I fit well with what I was interested in. I struggle to even email the professor for a meet just to introduce myself and test the waters. I have yet to do so. And then I talked to the director of my job now, and basically, yes you don't need a PhD to do what I want to do. And I have thought so myself, which is why I struggle to find a good reason for me to do one. I felt at peace when I thought more and more about going back to Malaysia and starting to pursue my 'other' dream--to open an AAC center for children (and/or adults) who require such services, to educate the public about communication disorders, a family-centered practice. Is it possible? It seem insurmountable but at the same time, doable, only by God's grace and allowance. Or is this just the other option that is easier for me, given my skill set, personality, and talents?