Chipping away

I woke up this morning thinking, "I don't have a reason to resent Mummy." And I never really did. Given the amount of explanations for actions in the past, given bit by bit, each time I return home, it is reasonable to believe that everything that I thought I was rightly mad about, I really did not have understanding and full story to rationally justify my anger that built up into resentment. And for a moment after waking, I felt a deep sense of peace and calm, that I had nothing against my mother, and even more, that I was at peace with her. That she loved me and I could do so in return. It seems that every time I return home a little bit of the stone wall chips away, and this time, a small but significant piece broke away. It is nothing short of divine understanding, or rather by His grace, me accepting what is. 

Post-

The last time I posted, my mind was in a far off un-ventured zone of adulthood. It's still in adulthood, tiptoeing in as I have been doing so. I am at peace, adult-like so, and also with the faith of a child, as I imagine it to be so. I have learned a different side of life and have come out holding God up, with arms lifted high in humility and acknowledgment of His sovereignty. God reigns. I see the greatness of God, I see His absolute love for me, for us. I see His love in suffering and sorrow. I cannot rationalize it in my head or articulate it in clear and succinct words, but my heart knows it to be truth. That God is real. That God cries for us. That God rejoices for us. That God is far beyond us. That God sent His Son to die for me. That I might raise my hands up to Him to be filled with His grace and peace. That I, that we, cannot help but respond to Him. How is the question, the deciding factor.