Calling near and far

Pastor Keith mentioned Mongolia in his sermon a few Sundays ago...about how one does not just jump at every opportunity or application that presents itself. That's not what serving God is all about. Missions work, or any kind of service to God is the outflow of gratitude and love for God that results from a real relationship with Him. And he joked, it doesn't mean you jump on a plane and fly to Mongolia...missions could be right in your backyard. Service is about the heart, not the where.

The reference has been nagging in my mind. I kept revisiting the moments at the missions (?) exhibit at that one Urbana 2006 conference that I went to. I went to see what opportunities there was for missions in speech pathology. Not much I can tell you. But there was one booth I visited that bothered me, I don't remember what the name of the organization was exactly, but it had the word "world" in it if I am not mistaken. Its logo had a black background with the globe (you know those line drawing of the longitude and latitude) on it. Rumor had it they were giving out free water bottles (the good Nalgene-like kind) with a bunch of stuff in it...but you had to talk to them to get it. And I had wanted to go check it out before but it was packed...the water bottle gave the incentive. I went. I also was ignored. But I persisted and hung around until someone was free to talk to me. I told him who I was and what I was looking for. He looked up the database to see if there was a position alike the one I was hoping for, something in speech pathology. There was one, in Mongolia. I thought, of all the places in the world that I would be willing to go to, Mongolia had never crossed my mind. But I thought, hey, if it's God's will, I will go. He asked me how serious I was, and I just, out of school and looking into job possibilities said, pretty serious. They needed a person within a year or so. We talked a bit about the position, etc. He said he was actually going to fly out there in about 5 months from now to see how things were developing (it wasn't just speech that was going on, it was a whole team) and said that if I was interested, I could come along and check it out. I was tempted. He asked again if I was serious. Overall, I felt like he didn't expect me to go or that this was the place for me. I felt that he was questioning my motive to go. And at that time, I was all about God, what do you mean if I'm serious man...In the end, I got his card and the website address to follow up on. I was rather annoyed at the lack of encouragement given. And I didn't get a water bottle :/

Looking back today, I don't know why I hung around that booth for so long, going back and forth about it trying to speak to someone.

Looking back, unlike job fairs and so many other kinda of exhibits and fairs, this one did not want to attract everyone...they also 

waited on those who came to them. I don't know how to explain it other than I feel that yes, you go to find out what's out there, but also, a lot of those exhibitors were looking to respond to those who were

 called by God then to serve. They didn't want just anyone, they wanted those who were serious with God, and who knew Him, His will. Not just being on some conference high go-God kinda 'serious' but those who were steadfast and who were in a deep relationship with God. I do believe that God lead many young persons to specific booths that day and throughout the conference to show them where He wanted them to go. And it was not my turn. 

I don't know how to connect my daily living with God. I feel that yes, I set aside time to spend with God, but then the rest of my time is spend doing my own thing...for my survival, for my career, making money to pay the rent, buying groceries, keeping my clients happy, etc. I know how one does these things should be in ways that honors God. But how is He right in the middle of it all? As I reach deeper into the Experiencing God course at church, the more I feel the disconnect. I wonder again if missions is for me. Full-time missions. I keep revisiting this thought and never coming to the conclusion that it is, it is seriously for me. I keep thinking it's my own thought...nothing outside of it confirms this thought anyhow. I believe it is important that others, the Bible, events in my life confirm this thought. If not, I will wait and continue to listen.